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Being a gay man in my late 40s, my life has involved many, mostly pleasurable years pursuing casual sex with other men since the age of 19. During my fourth decade, I was in a committed partnership which continued for a significant period, but it never fully satisfied me, because I didn't experience love nor intimately fulfilled. Truthfully, I have always craved uncommitted intimacy. Whenever I begin seeing any man, when the initial excitement fades, an impulse arises to be intimate with new partners again.

Reflecting on the Feasibility of Exclusive Commitment

I am now wondering whether it's possible for me to maintain a faithful partnership. I understand that numerous gay men engage in non-monogamous arrangements, but when I’ve witnessed them, they appear demanding, frequently resulting in significant heartache and envy among all parties. In many ways, I desire a partner to love me while letting me remain sexually free, but I dread to imagine the emotional drain this might create. Is it best to continue to have spontaneous encounters and acknowledge that a lasting partnership may be unattainable? I feel a bit lost.

Every person’s intimate path varies. Try not to think about what you require in partnerships or your ability to handle various forms of intimate connections in a finite way. What you need as you are experiencing them now may well change down the road; eventually you might become more decisive and discover greater understanding and a comfortable path … or perhaps not. At some point you might meet someone offering a life-changing chance to you by reflecting your desires in a holistic fashion … and later on you may choose that casual connections suit you best. Fretting over the future and playing the “What if?” game is merely rooted in fear and squandering of your efforts. Try to be in the moment in your relationships, and recognize the worth of each person you connect with intimately a sexual connection. When and if you are ever ready to deepen true intimacy with a single person, you will know.

• The psychotherapist practices as a American therapy professional focusing on addressing intimacy issues.